Happy birthday, me;

Happy birthday, me.

The first time I actually spent my birthday with friends entirely and a dinner with my parents.

I don't feel sad, nor lonely;

It's the first time that I see that actually feel that I’m used to this kind of loneliness.

My resentments :

I’m used to disappointment, sadness, and sometimes the feeling sorry for myself.

It's been somewhat a long time since I have the feeling of being loved, taken care of, and being secure.

Sometimes I guess all I really need is a constant.

Someone to just listen.

Listen when I want to be alone;
When I need to talk to someone;
When I feel so darn low and sad for no reason at all;
When I don't have the appetite for food;
When I need someone.

That's all.

It's simple, but that is all.
I really want to be strong.

Strong like a unicorn.
Always.

My confessions :

I've been fighting with myself and how I feel inside a lot;

I shun away from meeting my friends and going to events because I became really insecure and then I start overthinking, losing faith and interest in everything - the only sanity I've left is a place to let go how I feel inside - a place to sing.

I know my insecurities could bring a halt in all my friendships and relationships with everyone I love;

I tend to push all who cares away because, I want to be strong.

Because I'm afraid that you all will see that I'm actually weak and it will affect your feelings or mood.

I know I might even end up losing a few friends and along the way, losing myself - forgetting my dreams, my life goals, what my future might hold.

Moving forth :

After all the hurt, I chose to keep on living;

It's not easy and sometimes I hate myself.

But I know I have to push past the pain and be really brave.

For the ones who care, who loves me;

When I wake up everyday I told myself to fight, to continue my journey in life.

I'm going to be strong, fierce and powerful.

Because I'm thankful to be alive, to survive another day and to light candles on my birthday cake to celebrate the 26th year of my life.