Come what may...

This week was disastrous.

I think this has been the most difficult part of my life.

Seriously, I need more ups in my life than the downs.

I need more positivities in life.

To be honest I'm someone that is usually bubbly and happy.

I take anything in my stride and try to overcome everything like a boss.

This time, I failed.

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Two bad news in a week

Last Thursday, I was told that someone close to me had end-stage liver cancer.

It hit me so hard.

The last time I saw him he looks quite healthy and even teased his grandson.

Cookie was around and got so excited seeing him and he laughed at that sight.

Fast forward three months later I met him on his deathbed; in pain with blood that he vomited around him.

He seemed to be able to recognise me but I'm not too sure.

I just knew that he was in so much pain.

So much that he said he rather commit suicide than to wait for some more painkillers.

Seeing him this way broke my heart so badly.

I was devastated and I felt so powerless, so guilty.

I just wanted his pain to stop.

I stroked his head as I watched him by his bedside falling asleep.

He needed sleep.

He needed to forget about his pain, even for awhile.

As he drifted into his sleep, I just stood there, watching him, peacefully.

A while later I left, as I thought it will be good for his direct relatives to be there for him.

30 minutes later, the text came; he's gone.

He waited for me to bid him a final goodbye and took his final breath.

When I got the news, honestly I did not cry because I was in shock.

I couldn't believe what happened and the next day at the funeral I just broke down when I saw his body.

It hit me real hard that this person that cared so much for me and spent so much of my earlier years with me had left, gone.

He's not ever coming back and we just have to accept it.

I'm just relieved that he's no longer in pain.

RIP, 干爹.

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Another news hit me this week.. and I made a very difficult decision based on my current situation.

I was crying hysterically when I got the news but slowly accepted the truth.

As much as everything happens for a reason, I just want this to be a lesson learnt.

I'm sorry.

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This period of time may be the hardest in my life, but I'm trying to get through it all.

I'm trying to get back to my work routine so everyone please bear with me.

The latest collection at TACT will still launch tomorrow at 8pm so do look forward (:

Love,

Aggy